Shattered
I stare out the open window
Feeling the breeze against my face
It's the only feeling I have left right now
Numb to your words I thought I was
Well I know I know it's only you
That can leave me lying here
Shattered to pieces
like the glass that threatens my life
Held close against my skin
It promises a sweet relief
Although I know I can't
It's nice to know it's there
What an adventure it would be to die
After all I have faced death
Thanks to you
And I have lived this life empty
Full of empty promises
Thanks to you
You can stay behind your facade
Making people think you are sweet
I know the truth, I have seen
You at your worst
On the floor, lying there hoping you wouldn't get up
Another bottle sitting on the counter almost empty
You say it's my fault
But I couldn't even walk or speak
Just cry for you to hold me
How can it be that this life is the life I lived
How is it you can pretend everythings okay
You know it's not, that you left me broken
Shattered, scared to even breathe around you
I'm glad I'm so far away, only then do you pretend to love me.
Just Wanted You to know I care
I stare out the open window
Feeling the breeze against my face
It's the only feeling I have left right now
Numb to your words I thought I was
Well I know I know it's only you
That can leave me lying here
Shattered to pieces
like the glass that threatens my life
Held close against my skin
It promises a sweet relief
Although I know I can't
It's nice to know it's there
What an adventure it would be to die
After all I have faced death
Thanks to you
And I have lived this life empty
Full of empty promises
Thanks to you
You can stay behind your facade
Making people think you are sweet
I know the truth, I have seen
You at your worst
On the floor, lying there hoping you wouldn't get up
Another bottle sitting on the counter almost empty
You say it's my fault
But I couldn't even walk or speak
Just cry for you to hold me
How can it be that this life is the life I lived
How is it you can pretend everythings okay
You know it's not, that you left me broken
Shattered, scared to even breathe around you
I'm glad I'm so far away, only then do you pretend to love me.
Just Wanted You to know I care
I think of you everyday
I bow my head and pray
You are everything to mI e
Whether you know it or not
I have this need to protect you
Being so far away, makes me nervous
I know the abuse that comes raining down
When you feel no one cares
brother, I care
and I know you are all grown up
but I know how it feels
When you feel like everyones more important
You are the most important to me
I don't want you to live what I lived
I see you succeeding the way I always wanted to
It keeps me smiling, knowing you are
But I worry now that you are home
I just want to let you know I love you.
Broken
You know those trips we took to the zoo
You remember the times at the park
The ones you always bring up
Well I don't
You know what I remember
I remember the screaming
I remember the fighting
I remember how young I was
when I covered my lil brothers ears
So he wouldn't remember
I remember praying to "god" it would stop
But you know what I remember most
You sending me away
Coming back to a broken home
MOM you drinking til it was finally over
And now I see you there
in the same room
but you can't even say hi
it makes me wanna scream
I can't remember happiness
I can't, Look what you've done
I'm broken
You remember the times at the park
The ones you always bring up
Well I don't
You know what I remember
I remember the screaming
I remember the fighting
I remember how young I was
when I covered my lil brothers ears
So he wouldn't remember
I remember praying to "god" it would stop
But you know what I remember most
You sending me away
Coming back to a broken home
MOM you drinking til it was finally over
And now I see you there
in the same room
but you can't even say hi
it makes me wanna scream
I can't remember happiness
I can't, Look what you've done
I'm broken
Go Against the Break
With every motion we move
We seek a way to rest
With every wisp of wind
We seek a way to block the breeze
With every splash of the waves
We seek a way to block the water
When the dancer dances
She moves without care
When the bird flies
It flies to everywhere and anywhere
Nothing stops them from being free
What is free but he life of living
I will not live the same
The same as you, as him, as her
It is mine to live and I will live
Passion grows in every ounce of me
When I die the passion will live
and when I rot away the passion will stay
I will not seek to find a way out
I will seek to find a way in
I want to move
I want to feel the breeze
I want to feel the ocean
I dare to go against the break
ANGEL WINGS
The lord giveth
and the lord taketh away
I remember you
I remember for the brief moment
You existed in my world
Every trial I go through
I know there's been worse
Forever there will have been worse
Waking up to the screams
Waking up to the tears
The terrified looks upon all our faces
I was so young
But it made me old
I wonder what would have happened
If it weren't for that awful night
The mistakes you made
The mistakes she made
The tears they brought
And the end to a life
I will remember you
I will never do the things you did
That's what you taught me
The teachers, parents, ads that tell us as kids
That doing it is wrong and can cost a life
Well you never know until you see
First hand what drugs can do
I watched you die
I stood and stared
While they tried to pump life back into your body
As the neighbors gawked
My mind kept saying
'Please don't die, not today'
But now your gone
But I will remember
You will live on, through my memory
You had angel wings strewn across your back
Now you have angel wings that let you fly... home.
and the lord taketh away
I remember you
I remember for the brief moment
You existed in my world
Every trial I go through
I know there's been worse
Forever there will have been worse
Waking up to the screams
Waking up to the tears
The terrified looks upon all our faces
I was so young
But it made me old
I wonder what would have happened
If it weren't for that awful night
The mistakes you made
The mistakes she made
The tears they brought
And the end to a life
I will remember you
I will never do the things you did
That's what you taught me
The teachers, parents, ads that tell us as kids
That doing it is wrong and can cost a life
Well you never know until you see
First hand what drugs can do
I watched you die
I stood and stared
While they tried to pump life back into your body
As the neighbors gawked
My mind kept saying
'Please don't die, not today'
But now your gone
But I will remember
You will live on, through my memory
You had angel wings strewn across your back
Now you have angel wings that let you fly... home.
DREAMER
If for even a moment
I thought you could love me
I would go to the end of the earth
To feel you near me just once more
It was not long before I knew
You could hold my heart
Keeping inside like this
It's just so hard, painful
feeling my heart pound
to the rhythm of my tears
No no keep them inside
God please you can't let me fall
Not when you know it can't be
It seems too late
But this I just pray
That someday I can hope
Love will find me
Nothing in my way
Keeping me from having it
Feeling the arms of your soul
Embrace me like a dream
I've dreamed for so long
Be there
Now Can’t you see
What it’s done to me
To be near you, Just to feel you
Your’ presence is just too much
How could you say to me
Nevers such a long time away
I try so hard to show you that
I can’t go on Unless your’ there by me
The Otherside of Blue (2010)
(v1)
They say the grass is greener on the other side
But I have seen more color on a cloudy day.
I don't seem to care when black and white collide
to me it's just another shade of gray.
v2
They say the color's brighter when you're in love
I look around, darkness is all I see
Don't know whose eyes your looking from
pain, it looks all the same to me.
(Bridge)
color fades
darkness calls
rain cascades
on canvas walls
ominous shades
beneath her falls
to the floor
I don't see in color anymore
(chorus)
Here I am, a lonely girl, so far away from you
hope this nothingness, is nothing less than colors changing hue
now I wait, anticipate, the light that shines for two
somewhere on the other side of blue
(v3)
I float away in darkness now, lost in dreams
to say their not in color, well you're just a fool
there's you and I, a clear blue sky and color schemes
can't find these things on the other side of blue
(Bridge)
color fades
darkness calls
rain cascades
on canvas walls
what remains
simply falls to the floor
in shades I've never felt before
(chorus)
Here I am, a lonely girl so far away from you
hope this nothingness, is nothing less than colors changing hue
now I wait, anticipate the light that shines for two
somewhere on the other side of blue
Fear
I am afraid to love, and yet I love you.
My fear is like a wall I walk right through.
The wall is there, and yet it doesn't stop me.
I need it still, and yet I still need you.
I know someday we will be in a field
Surrounded by the blessing of the sky.
I'll dance with all the freedom of pure joy,
Needing you without a reason why.
But now I'm still afraid that I might lose you,
That you might not accept my desperate need.
You make me laugh and cry and be completely.
You are the flower, I the slender reed.
A poem to my Love... written October 2009
When I look into your eyes I see you
More than what the others see
You tell them jokes and make silly faces
You make them laugh and play along
So outgoing and fun
But even through that I see your heart
Loyal and true, Honest and good
Caring and Faithfully full of love
Love you have never granted
You may not know it's there
But I feel it in your kiss
And I hear it in your voice
I may not have it and you may not give it
But I know it's there
And I will love you and be faithful
Even after you decide I am no more to you
But Then you should know that i will let you go
You are a kindled spirit and a venturous soul
Love is but a condition in which My happiness
Relies souly on your being happy
If that someday is without me
then so be it
I will let you soar above the mountains
In the skies where I know you belong
Talented and Smart as you are
You will indeed go so far
And if by some small miricle of chance
You want to take me on your journey
Well then I will stand by you
Faithfully til the end of time
I believe in you
I believe in the love I have for you
A love that is Forever
And a love that is true.
Fantasy (written in January 2009)
I always dreamed I'd find you...
I dreamed of someone with your smile,
someone who could thrill me with a look
and melt me with a touch.
I always imagined a romance like this...
I imagined falling in love
with someone who makes me feel
so good, so alive.
I'll always love you...
You fulfill all my fantasies
and make my dreams come true
